New York Times bestselling author M. Gary Neuman is a practicing licensed counselor and ordained rabbi who offers a caring, no-nonsense approach to issues in marriage, family, and personal growth. He has appeared many times on Today, the View, NPR and many other programs. Oprah referred to Gary as, "One of the best psychotherapists in the world," on his final (11th) appearance on her show.

When Should I Worry About My Boyfriend’s Mother?

Dear Gary,

I have begun dating someone who I like very much. However, there is one issue that has raised a red flag. He talks about his mother a lot – in a good way. They have a very close relationship. However, some of my girlfriends (one who is married and does not get along with her mother-in-law) told me to beware of marrying a “Momma’s boy” because then you’re marrying his mother. Is this a real concern when dating?

Concerned

Dear Concerned,

Having a good relationship with Mom and being a Momma’s boy isn’t the same thing. First of all, I’d be wary of someone who does not like his mother. This doesn’t mean he can’t be a great husband, but in all likelihood it would be a greater challenge for him than for someone who gets along well with his mother. Remember that a young man’s primary female relationship is with his mother. His attitude and opinion of her will likely be brought into every other significant female relationship he experiences. If he is demeaning or makes dismissive jokes about his mother, he may be doing the same about his wife one day. However, even if he perceives that he’s had a troubled relationship with his mother, with some focus and psychological work, anyone can overcome struggles and learn to create a genuinely loving relationship with his wife.

So, how can you know whether his relationship with dear old Mom is healthy or not? When you feel there is a controlling element handed down from mother to son, that’s the giveaway of dangerous ground. If you feel that he’s unable to make common personal decisions without the approval of his mother AND that his mother is very comfortable making these decisions for him (meaning she’s not so approving), be aware – it is likely Momma will be making decisions for you as well. It’s one thing to consider a parent’s sage advice in making a decision. It’s quite another to have parents make the decision for us.

As your dating progresses and you feel closer, simply bring the topic up and discuss it in a kind and respectful manner. It’s always to your advantage to get used to being communicative about these kinds of issues, so that both of you can develop your style of decision making together.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

  • “Connect to Love” Webisodes

    Are You Ready to "Connect to Love"?

    M. Gary Neuman presents a series of Webisodes featuring interviews with real-life people who face family and relationship challenges. Watch now, and visit the Gary's blog to join the discussion. Watch More Featured Videos
  • Newsletter

    Please fill out the form below to sign up for our newsletter.

    Our strict privacy policy keeps your email address 100% safe & secure.

Become a Fan and Join the Discussion Friend M. Gary Neuman
View The M. Gary Neuman Channel Follow M. Gary Neuman Gary's Reconnect to Love Intensive Program

Copyright © M. Gary Neuman 2010. All Rights Reserved.

Created by SmartAuthorSites.com ... Websites for Authors