New York Times bestselling author M. Gary Neuman is a practicing licensed counselor and ordained rabbi who offers a caring, no-nonsense approach to issues in marriage, family, and personal growth. He has appeared many times on Today, the View, NPR and many other programs. Oprah referred to Gary as, "One of the best psychotherapists in the world," on his final (11th) appearance on her show.

ISBN: 978-0-470-50213-6
John Wiley & Sons Trade Paperback 240 pages
$14.95 US / $16.95 Canada
October 2009
Buy the Book

The Truth About Cheating

Questionnaire

Is He Cheating?

No simple quiz can accurately take into account the unique circumstances inherent to every relationship. This quiz was developed based on the average couple’s experience and the results reported in my study. It is meant to be the beginning of a conver-sation you may have with yourself and possibly your spouse. This is not a true diagnostic tool as much as a general baseline by which to measure your situation.

  I BELIEVE MY HUSBAND/PARTNER: Agree Disagree Strongly Agree Strongly Disagree
1 Feels he can communicate well with me. _____ _____ _____ _____
2 He and I share the same values and/or interests. _____ _____ _____ _____
3 Feels I am caring and thoughtful towards him. _____ _____ _____ _____
4 Would say he feels appreciated by me. _____ _____ _____ _____
5 Feels emotionally connected to me. _____ _____ _____ _____
6 Thinks I lose my temper too much and would describe me as moody. _____ _____ _____ _____
7 Feels other aspects of my life (e.g. children, career, community responsibilities, etc.) take priority over our relationship _____ _____ _____ _____
8 Finds me physically attractive. _____ _____ _____ _____
9 Would like to have sex more often. _____ _____ _____ _____
10 Finds the sex we have fulfilling. _____ _____ _____ _____
11 Has been avoiding contact with me more over the last month or longer (with no obvious reason—e.g., he’s been traveling more than usual, been ill; if there is an obvious reason why he’s avoiding contact more of late, answer “Disagree”) _____ _____ _____ _____
12 Has spent more time away from home over the last month or more (with no obvious reason—e.g., he’s been traveling more than usual, been ill; if there is an obvious reason why he’s avoiding contact more of late, answer “Disagree”) _____ _____ _____ _____
13 Has become increasingly critical in the last month or more. _____ _____ _____ _____
14 Has had diminished sexual activity with me over the last two months or more. _____ _____ _____ _____
15 Has purchased gifts for me lately with no explanation for them and this is unlike him. _____ _____ _____ _____
16 Has at least one very close friend who has cheated on his wife/girlfriend. _____ _____ _____ _____
17 Has at least one very close family member who has cheated on his wife/girlfriend. _____ _____ _____ _____
18 Has a father who cheated on his mother. _____ _____ _____ _____
19 Has at least one co-worker who has cheated. _____ _____ _____ _____
20 Perceives his parents’ marriage as generally positive. _____ _____ _____ _____
21 Has a generally positive relationship with his parents. _____ _____ _____ _____
22 Has significant job-related pressures. _____ _____ _____ _____
23 Has significant financial stress. _____ _____ _____ _____
24 Has significant stress related to his or my family of origin. _____ _____ _____ _____
25 Attends organized religious services regularly. _____ _____ _____ _____

 Answer Sheet:
Circle the score that corresponds to your answer.

  Agree Disagree Strongly Agree Strongly Disagree
1 0 0 0 -1
2 0 0 1 -1
3 2 -2 3 -3
4 3 -3 6 -6
5 1 -1 2 -2
6 0 0 -1 1
7 0 0 -1 1
8 0 0 1 -1
9 -2 2 -4 4
10 1 -1 2 -2
11 0 0 -1 1
12 -3 1 -6 2
13 0 0 -1 1
14 -2 0 -3 1
15 0 0 0 0
16 -2 1    
17 -1 1    
18 -2 2    
19 0 0    
20 1 -1 2 -2
21 0 0 1 -1
22 0 0 0 0
23 0 0 0 0
24 0 0 0 0
25 0 0 1 -1

 If your score is in the range of  +17 to +35, it is very unlikely your husband is cheating or will cheat on you. Keep doing what you’re doing and apply the principles outlined in THE TRUTH ABOUT CHEATING to make your marriage even better.

 If you score in the range of  -21 to +16, you’re on shaky ground; you should be aware. Begin to cultivate a home culture of kindness, calmness, and appreciation. Slow it down. Make each other the focus. Eliminate the distractions that dilute intimacy. Have time for you so you can reenergize and develop your refreshed marital plan.

 If your score is in the range of  -22 to -42: crisis. He is at severe risk for cheating or already is cheating. Simultaneously work to improve the marriage as best you can while protecting yourself. Consider drastic measures from intensive marital therapy to conducting some surveillance as outlined in this book.

One caveat—regardless of your score, pay more attention to your risk factor if you checked “Strongly Agree” to both questions 12 and 14, as these are strong indicators of a marriage in trouble.

Copyright © 2008 GKN Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

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