Questionnaire

ISBN: 978-0-470-50213-6
John Wiley & Sons Trade Paperback 240 pages
$14.95 US / $16.95 Canada
October 2009
Buy the Book

The Truth About Cheating

Questionnaire

Is He Cheating?

No simple quiz can accurately take into account the unique circumstances inherent to every relationship. This quiz was developed based on the average couple’s experience and the results reported in my study. It is meant to be the beginning of a conver-sation you may have with yourself and possibly your spouse. This is not a true diagnostic tool as much as a general baseline by which to measure your situation.

	*I BELIEVE MY HUSBAND/PARTNER:*	Agree	Disagree	Strongly Agree	Strongly Disagree
1	Feels he can communicate well with me.	_____	_____	_____	_____
2	He and I share the same values and/or interests.	_____	_____	_____	_____
3	Feels I am caring and thoughtful towards him.	_____	_____	_____	_____
4	Would say he feels appreciated by me.	_____	_____	_____	_____
5	Feels emotionally connected to me.	_____	_____	_____	_____
6	Thinks I lose my temper too much and would describe me as moody.	_____	_____	_____	_____
7	Feels other aspects of my life (e.g. children, career, community responsibilities, etc.) take priority over our relationship	_____	_____	_____	_____
8	Finds me physically attractive.	_____	_____	_____	_____
9	Would like to have sex more often.	_____	_____	_____	_____
10	Finds the sex we have fulfilling.	_____	_____	_____	_____
11	Has been avoiding contact with me more over the last month or longer (with no obvious reason—e.g., he’s been traveling more than usual, been ill; if there is an obvious reason why he’s avoiding contact more of late, answer “Disagree”)	_____	_____	_____	_____
12	Has spent more time away from home over the last month or more (with no obvious reason—e.g., he’s been traveling more than usual, been ill; if there is an obvious reason why he’s avoiding contact more of late, answer “Disagree”)	_____	_____	_____	_____
13	Has become increasingly critical in the last month or more.	_____	_____	_____	_____
14	Has had diminished sexual activity with me over the last two months or more.	_____	_____	_____	_____
15	Has purchased gifts for me lately with no explanation for them and this is unlike him.	_____	_____	_____	_____
16	Has at least one very close friend who has cheated on his wife/girlfriend.	_____	_____	_____	_____
17	Has at least one very close family member who has cheated on his wife/girlfriend.	_____	_____	_____	_____
18	Has a father who cheated on his mother.	_____	_____	_____	_____
19	Has at least one co-worker who has cheated.	_____	_____	_____	_____
20	Perceives his parents’ marriage as generally positive.	_____	_____	_____	_____
21	Has a generally positive relationship with his parents.	_____	_____	_____	_____
22	Has significant job-related pressures.	_____	_____	_____	_____
23	Has significant financial stress.	_____	_____	_____	_____
24	Has significant stress related to his or my family of origin.	_____	_____	_____	_____
25	Attends organized religious services regularly.	_____	_____	_____	_____

Answer Sheet:
Circle the score that corresponds to your answer.

	Agree	Disagree	Strongly Agree	Strongly Disagree
1	0	0	0	-1
2	0	0	1	-1
3	2	-2	3	-3
4	3	-3	6	-6
5	1	-1	2	-2
6	0	0	-1	1
7	0	0	-1	1
8	0	0	1	-1
9	-2	2	-4	4
10	1	-1	2	-2
11	0	0	-1	1
12	-3	1	-6	2
13	0	0	-1	1
14	-2	0	-3	1
15	0	0	0	0
16	-2	1
17	-1	1
18	-2	2
19	0	0
20	1	-1	2	-2
21	0	0	1	-1
22	0	0	0	0
23	0	0	0	0
24	0	0	0	0
25	0	0	1	-1

If your score is in the range of +17 to +35, it is very unlikely your husband is cheating or will cheat on you. Keep doing what you’re doing and apply the principles outlined in THE TRUTH ABOUT CHEATING to make your marriage even better.

If you score in the range of -21 to +16, you’re on shaky ground; you should be aware. Begin to cultivate a home culture of kindness, calmness, and appreciation. Slow it down. Make each other the focus. Eliminate the distractions that dilute intimacy. Have time for you so you can reenergize and develop your refreshed marital plan.

If your score is in the range of -22 to -42: crisis. He is at severe risk for cheating or already is cheating. Simultaneously work to improve the marriage as best you can while protecting yourself. Consider drastic measures from intensive marital therapy to conducting some surveillance as outlined in this book.

One caveat—regardless of your score, pay more attention to your risk factor if you checked “Strongly Agree” to both questions 12 and 14, as these are strong indicators of a marriage in trouble.

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